A Blog set up for Anxiety Sufferers

Hi everyone!

Firstly thank you Jo for sending the pics to me to post. I have re-sized them all and put a border round them, so I hope you like them. They are really lovely and great to see something positive. I hope you and Michael have many years of happiness and I wish you all the best for the future.

Also I commend you for letting me post the pics, a lot of people like to stay in the background, due to people’s ignorance on the subject, so I applaud you for that. As I said if anyone else would like some pics posted on this page then feel free to send them to me. I am training for a half marathon which I am a long way off doing yet, but as soon as I do, I will post the pics.

So for anyone who would like to see Jo’s wedding pics, here they are www.anxietynomore.co.uk/members_pics.html

Paul

I decided to write this post today after reading through a lot of posts recently. Firstly I want to say something again that was stated in an earlier post, some may have missed it so here it is, in a post. I think certain people get hung up with accepting how they are, this should be a whatever attitude and NOT a need to keep reminding yourself to accept how you feel as you once again start battling with yourself and again becomes a ‘Do’. I think someone mentioned it in the last post to the effect where they had to keep reminding themself to accept how they were. There is no need to do this and as some people may know it loses its force in time. Accpeting is all about not doing ‘Not fighting, not worrying, not filling yourself with self pity. Giving your body a break, its never a ‘Do’, so please don’t feel the need to walk around telling yourself daily you must accept this. I put it more as laying all your tools down and accepting this is you for the time being and not resisting or spending every day trying to get better. I really hope that makes sense.

Secondly through some posts I have seen people worry about the future with statements like ’Will I be better soon? . ‘I worry about going to….?’ ‘What if there is more wrong with me?’ etc…etc…Firstly please try just for a week or so deal with today, don’t worry about the past and don’t worry about the future. Just deal with today, how much extra stress and worry do people put on themselves doing this. If you just live in today then it takes so much of this away. Especially in people who suffer with anxiety as people worry far more and put such a dark cloud on the tomorrow/next week.  Minor issues become far bigger than they really are and we get into a cycle of anxiety/worrying, more worry, more anxiety, anxiety and more worrying, at some point this cycle has to change. So just live for today and then take what comes tommorrow. 

I once explained to someone who was in the same situation as another person, that the only reason she felt dreadful is that she worried about the situation and the other person realised there was no point. I learnt early on how destructive worrying was and yes it had become a habit for me, but again it was one I was able to change.

Paul

Well here is the post I promised. I do read almost every post on here as I have to moderate the blog by myself. But I do take on board what people are saying and then adjust my next post accordingly. I can’t post every week, otherwise it would dilute the quality and I would mostly end up repeating myself. The best way to know what to post, is by what people are saying as a collective bunch. I know some ask for specific posts, but I have to do it for everyone and I felt todays post would help the majority.

Todays post is more on my recovery and the journey towards my goal of living anxiety free. Firstly maybe I should not say goal, it was more a dream as at the height of my suffering as I saw no way out, I truly did not. I thought this was me forever, nothing was working, in fact I was getting worse. The first stage for me was not a visit to the doctor, he was only concerned with giving me pills. My first rung on the ladder was to find out why I felt like I did, a pill would never do this, I wanted answers. Eventually through research and reading and eventually finding someone who understood the subject, I found a lot of these answers. Just to have an explanation and to realise that I was not alone, was enough for me to change a cycle. A cycle of self pity, complete bewilderment and constant worry and fear of what was wrong with me. This is the very reason I was so bad, so lost and felt so terrible. My mind and body was about as tired and emotionally spent as it could be and all I did was worry, fight and pound it with questions daily, no wonder I was getting worse, but what choice did I have, when I had no answers? I felt I had to work it out for myself, to fight it and hope it went away. I look back at the hole I was in and get angry that I did not find the answers sooner, that no one could tell me anything. This would have saved so much suffering. I lost my job and many friends, more than that I lost who I was.

So the first stage was understanding, once I had the knowledge I could slow down on the worry, not be so bewildered, realise that I needed to step back and give my mind and body a rest and not fight through each day. Yes I still felt awful, my body was so sensitised and tired, but for once I felt some relief and hope. Understanding is always the first step, this is why in my book I don’t just say do this or do that, I explain why you feel like you do, what keeps you in this cycle. Many people email me after reading the pages on my site or reading the book and burst into tears with relief that they have finally been given some answers and also a realisation that they are not alone. They have finally been given an explanation to why they feel like they do, they have the first stage to recovery.

So I now had plenty of knowledge to what was wrong with me. I then believed I could get better, I never lost this belief once I had some answers. The next stage for me was working out what was right for me and what was not, a lot through trial and error and once one thing made sense then other things would also. I realised very early on that I had fallen into a lot of bad habits. Avoidence being one of them and that hiding away was not the way forward and that I would no longer be bluffed by how I was feeling. I knew that normal living would eventually bring back normal feelings. I remember the first thing I did was join a thai class. I must have put off going 10 times in the week before I went. The thought of going into a room of strangers, feeling dreadful, anxious, panicky, strange, all the symptoms I felt at the time. But I could either hide away or take the first step to a new start. So I went and yes I felt awful at times, but something happened, I got into the class and for a minute or two forgot about how I felt and just got on. I finished the class and went home elated. I had floated past all the negative suggestions not to go. This is what happens, in a healthy body anxiety means fight or flight, it is telling you that you are in danger, take your choice. It could be a snarling dog that you meet and the option to avoid is a good one. This is where all the feelings of avoidence come from. Well going to a thai class there is nothing to fear, no need to run, apart from your instinct brought on by anxiety, that is not needed in that situation. This was why I knew I had to ignore the instinct to avoid, I had to just go and take what comes, what was the worst thing that could happen anyway? So I then began to go everywhere at will. I went socialising with friends, feeling awful and strange. I remember going swimming and feeling as though I was not there, thinking, that’s fine the more I do it the more normal I will feel. Once you do things time and time again then feelings dampen, your body does not react to certain situations anymore, once you go through certain situations many times you build up a strength, an insulation if you like, places just don’t hold any fear anymore.

So this was my second stage of recovery. Begining to live my life again, without anxiety ruling what I did and the decisions I made. This was very important to me and in time I felt so much more comfortable wherever I went. I always dealt with me and not the situation I was in, if I felt awful then so be it, if I felt great even better. I sometimes felt overwhelmed in the early stages and wanted to run or go home and take the easy route out, but I never did and this is where the real victorys came. I did it, I felt really awful, overwhelmed and I stayed, I know now I can handle anything now, it was just a feeling, this is what these times brought to me.

To sum up I would have bad weeks, good weeks, great days out, days when I felt awful, but I did everything at will and never let anxiety rule what I did and did not do, this made so much difference to my life. I am not saying it is easy at times, but I knew how important it was. To feel more normal I had to pack as much normal living in as possible.

The next stage for me was to then to do positive things in my life. I was at this point where a lot are on the blog with how I felt. I felt o.k, but had bad days and still did not feel great. I was though no longer fighting or worrying, questioning everything, tiring my body out. I was just left with a tired and sensitised body, so yes I would still feel crap sometimes, but I felt 1000% better than I once had. I had gone from having no good days to plenty. From feeling so odd I questioned if I lived on this planet, to feeling more normal than I had felt in ages. Depersonalisation has been covered on here many times, but I had stopped concerning and worring daily about how I felt, which in turn dampen these feelings of strangeness and I once again felt part of the world again and not just 24/7 anxiety. I had also began to get out an socialise, I went back to work and was again able to live my life. I may not have felt great all the time, but at least I could go wherever I wanted, I had reversed the avoidence cycle. You can see now that this has been a journey and that takes me onto this stage of doing more positive things.

I then joined a friend running each night, just a 50 minute run. When I first went I felt awful, so tired and spent, but no pain no gain, I wanted to get fit and bring something to be proud of into my life, again another focus but me. I cannot express how much better I felt when I came back from these runs. I felt great, excercise is by far the best way of burning off excess adrenalin and not only that it really helped me think straight, I could think so clearly when I got back that I had another realisation, it was anxiety and excess adrenalin that made my thoughts race and come out odd. As I have explained before it is the excess adrenalin needing an escape and this manifests itself sometimes in odd, racing thoughts.

I was now so into this that I took up cycling. I used to go with a group of friends and cycle all over my local county, sometimes for miles. I now had something else in my day, instead of thinking about how I felt, I was planning my next bike ride or run. I was aiming to do a half marathon also and had so much going on that my whole life and focus was changing. I hardly cared about the few twinges of anxiety, the very slight feeling of strangeness, they became just a feeling in the background that really did not bother me. The exercise and looking after myself brought them to such a level that I hardly bothered or noticed, my days had another meaning to them now.

I did eventually give up the running and cycling and have recently just got back into it. But I was just about recovered then, recovery was never my goal, it just came to me. I think people reach out too much for it and end feeling dissapointed. I first ran because I thought, hey I will feel great when I get back and I would almost tune in to see how I felt, feeling dissapointed if I did not. I then realised I was again trying to do something about my anxiety, putting pressure on myself to feel a certain way. So I changed my attitude and ran for me, to get fit and if it helped me feel better then great. This attitude helped me so much as I ran and forgot myself, not running and then thinking about how much it would help me, again reverting back to trying to recover from anxiety, I had to let that come to me and stop focusing everything I did on this goal. I hope that makes sense and I would say that realisation was my final stage to recovery and the person I am now. You don’t have to go running and I understand it is impossible for certain people, but it was as much a new focus, as the excercise that helped me so much. So doing anything new, even if it is painting at home. My own attention was on myself for a while, but this was just habit and would fade in time, when I first went running and cycling this was the case, but it was fine I did not let it bother me just carried on with what I was doing and in time my new focus was my new hobbys I had brought into my day. This has been asked many times ‘How do I stop thinking of me and how I feel’ the answer is you don’t, brooding at home does not help and the reason I say find a new hobby and focus to your day. But thinking about yourself has just become a habit that’s all. Don’t try not to think about yourself, if the attention is on you let it be, but don’t get frustrated with it. I had it for a while but in time it dampened when I gave it no respect. As I say I had other things to bother with and not myself, to be honest I got bored with the subject in the end. I had really developed a ‘whatever’ attitude, it had become in built in me, I no longer cared.

To finish I will say some people will relate to all of the above, some to parts of it, we are all different and I had a few stages to go through as I suffered so long and fell so deep. It is a lot easier to recover the shorter time you have suffered, memory and habits are not so raw and people may not be as sensitised. I have had many people email and after reading the book they are back to normal within a few weeks, but in almost all cases they have suffered a very short time, they unlike me were given answers very early on. If you have suffered longer, then it may take longer, but just go for progress, don’t put loads of pressure on yourself to recover, this holds so many people back. You also have a lot more information than I ever had, you have the support from others, that I so craved, but never received. As you see I went through a lot of bad times, to become the person I am now, did things I did not feel like doing at times. I used to lie in bed wanting and wishing it all away, but I knew deep down this would not happen, certain things were up to me.

I hope there is something above for everyone.  It is not a full account by any means, just a brief account highlighting the most important stages of my recovery and how I came through them. I am not saying everyone will go through the stages I did, but I felt I needed to go through the stages, so people don’t feel they are missing something and that it was easy for me, it was a very up and down affair, but so worth it to be the person I now am. My life is so different now and everyday is a gift and that gift is there for everyone who keeps the faith. Anxiety and the symptoms that go with it are just feelings, never see it as anything else, it will only hold you back if you let it.

Paul

For more help and advice visit my main site www.anxietynomore.co.uk

I don’t know if people remember but last year Channel 4 asked me to help them find people for a T.V show about teenagers with anxiety. Well the B.B.C have asked me to help them find people who maybe interested in appearing on T.V dealing with food phobias and anxiety and also aksed me to appear. I have no interest as I have said in the past and like to stay in the background. But I did say I would post on here in case anyone would like to appear or think it may help. Instead of going through the ins and outs I will just post one of the later emails that was sent to me. When copying and pasting the message below, the font or layout may change so apologies for that.

Hi Paul

Thanks very much for your message.

I’d be very grateful if you could have a think of any psychologists or
psychotherapists who might be suitable to appear on TV. Perhaps there
are speakers who’ve stood out at mental health conferences, or authors
you’re aware of who might translate well to TV. The most important thing
is that they have the personality to engage TV viewers, they don’t need
to be clinical psychologists.

Also, if you do know of any sufferers, who  haven’t had any treatment
yet, we’d very much like to speak to them.They need to be in the early
stages of finding help - as the TV series introduces new psychological
insights and therapies to them.

The show specifically helps people with a restrictive and unbalanced
diet,  who  obsess about certain foods they must eat,  or  are  fearful
of certain foods  they must avoid. Here is the BBC link showing previous
case studies: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0090y2h

The experts offer techniques to reduce anxiety levels and introduce
exposure/ desensitising exercises over a 1 month period. This aims to
help individuals get on their way to helping themselves -   improving
both their emotional wellbeing and physical health. In turn, viewers at
home, who may be suffering in silence,  realise that they are not alone,
and that there are steps that can be taken to break the vicious cycle.

As we’ve seen by the previous successes in the first two series of the
show, individuals benefit from intensive, one to one, life-changing
support from a nutritionist and a psychologist. Past participants have
since contacted us saying how grateful they are for the help, and as a
result, are continuing to cope well. Participants also find taking part
in a TV programme a great deal of fun and a once in a lifetime,
memorable opportunity!

Obviously the title ‘Freaky Eaters’ is worded in a way just to ‘grab’
viewers’ initial attention.  Content in the last two series was received
well in nutritional and psychological circles, due to the experts
successfully  helping  people. In the next series we are also looking to
give even more time to psychological analysis and scientific /
nutritional information and we are very open to ideas.

It is a  great opportunity for experts to lift their professional
profile by appearing on an educational BBC series.

Please feel free to contact me on ***************** I’ve also attached a
flyer we are distributing in our search for participants with food
issues.

Best wishes
Em

If that would interest anyone then just email Emma at em.marshall@betty.co.uk

Just a few words from myself. I am just finishing a new site completely seperate to this subject and the reason I have not been around much. I have also just bought a bike and took up running again and am as fit as I have been for a while and really feeling the benefits. I know I have said it before but exercise as well as the new hobby it brings is very beneficial to anyone with anxiety. It burns off a lot of excess adrenalin, clears the cobwebs and with the fresh air and new focus to your day I can’t promote it enough. Sometimes its the last thing we feel like doing when we feel lousy, but it is well worth it for the rewards it brings.

I will post something new next week, glad to see everyone communicating and helping each other.

Take care

Paul

Hi Everyone, Well I have just got back from a weekend away. I went to Chester and visited the zoo in the rain. Well I think I saw about 3 animals, there was just nothing there at all. They must have been hiding away or on strike but it was a very dissapointing day. i then went into Chester city centre looking to but some cords to go out in and not one shop stocked them, it was just jeans, jeans, jeans. Why do shops think all men want to wear is jeans! Well that’s what I have been up to recently. I am also nursing a bit of a hangover today, not like me to drink too much, but I do have those days and always understand the day after why I try to keep them to a minimum.

Well todays post is a comment that someone put up to an earlier post. I liked her comment and the way she put things and asked if I could maybe use it as a post with a few words of my own so that everyone got to read it, she was very happy to do this, so here it is.

I have just read Beths post from 7th May and have to say I totally agree with her. I started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks only about 3 months ago and reading up on the subject and this website have helped me more or less totally overcome them….

Because as Beth quite righlty said, all that we are doing is tuning into our over active imagination - which has probably always been there and popped various thoughts into our mind - but in the past we’ve always ignored them. It’s as if once you have suffered from anxiety you listen to every negative thought and then question why its there and why it won’t go away - when if we just ignore it, it actually does goes away.

I think what i’m trying to say to give some help and support to people (I want you all to know that whilst I have only suffered for what may seem a short period of time - it was the most fightening time of my life) is to try not to over analyse everything, question every thought, or worry what’s wrong with you. There is actually nothing wrong with any of us - we’re all human and naturally experience thoughts, feelings, moods…..just accept them and try not to question then as being weird - its normal.

Sometimes we spend too long thinking about these intagible feelings, instead of focusing on the external positive things in our life that will help us to ignore the ‘random’ negative emotions which will naturally pop up from time to time.

Maybe that’s why I managed to overcome my fears and feel back to normal?

I hope I haven’t come across as patronising or belittling anything anyone feels or us going through - believe me, I understand. It’s just reading some posts started to make me feel like I was helpling myself go back to the place I was in and I wanted to offer something positive which helped me and my battle.

Imogen xx

Well I thought Imogen put that very well there. I know there has been the odd post on people doing really well recently and others may think ‘When is it my turn?’ The only point I would like to make on that is that the less time you have suffered, the easier it is to come through. I had 10 years of suffering behind me and did not expect things to turn around overnight and it took a while for me to get to the point I am now. So no matter how long you feel you have suffered, just think how far you have come. This is the only thing you need to know you are on the right track. But don’t get impatient and as Imogen says start to question everything. Lets all the negatives go and focus on the positives. I always looked at it like this ‘Look how far I have come’ instead of ‘I want to be 100% better’ , ‘I now have good days instead of feeling bad all the time’ again instead of  ’Why do I still feel awful sometimes’.

Focus on the positives and take comfort in the fact that people are posting that have now recovered or come so far. Don’t look at is as a ‘Why not me’ Never let impatience be your jailer, I never even thought of recovery or demanded it, I was just happy that things were changing for the better.

Paul

Well this post was changed from another subject to this as it seems to be a hot topic at the moment and I am going to be very honest about depersonalisation here and try and help people who are still bewildered by it. I will hold nothing back and tell my whole story and the truth behind it.

Firstly lets just refresh ourselves with Depersonalisation and why we have it.

Lets start by saying that D.P is not just an anxiety symptom. I have read a hell of a lot on the subject and people who have been to war can suffer. People who have lost a love one can suffer temporary from it. People who had something happen to them early in their life, that really hurt or shocked them can suffer bouts of D.P. Many people who don’t suffer from anxiety have D.P, although I would say anxiety would be the main reason. So lets go back to person who went to war and saw things that shocked him and he would rather forget. D.P is his bodies way of shutting down these memorys and feelings, to block them out and protect him. Of course these are isolated cases, but they do happen and I have read of a few cases. The second where someone may have lost a loved one, have you ever seen that blank look, as though they are not really listening, they are somewhere else. Again a few people who have lost loved ones can have temporary D.P. It is again the bodies way of protecting them from all the hurt and worry and just like anxiety sufferers they may begin to think very deeply. Once the hurt and pain weakens, they tend to become their old selves again and the D.P leaves them. The D.P is not needed to protect them from all the hurt and pain anymore. The last one where someone may have had something happen to them earlier in their life. Again they may get bouts of D.P to surpress these memories, to shut out the hurt.

Now lets move on to anxiety and why people suffer with D.P, and why it is only natural that you will. I had anxiety for about two years before I had any symptoms of D.P. I showed no symptoms at all, until how I felt bothered me more and more. I was been moved from one doctor to another and nothing was working. This was about the time I thought I will have to figure it out for myself. So I worried daily about how I felt, spent 12 hours a day trying to figure a way out of this mess, spent my whole day feeling sorry for myself, on the verge of tears at every waking moment. Day after day this went on, until one day I went home and as I was stroking my dog I felt as though I was not really there, my vision seemed blurred and I had no idea what was happening. What happened that day is my body said enough is enough, I cannot take this worry and deep thinking anymore and to protect me, and you, I have to shut your emotions down. And it did, I could feel no emotions, no happiness, no joy, the whole world went grey and lifeless and I seemed to become a walking shell. Of course it makes sense to me now that my body was protecting me. But what happened then is I began to worry about this new symptom, tried to figure not only the anxiety but this new sensation of feeling lost and empty. What was happening to me? I was more bewildered than ever. I spent my time now getting worse, I really had entered the cycle that would pull me in deeper. If I had known or been taught about D.P before I suffered then I would have known the reason why it was happening and would not have wasted years trying to figure it out or worrying about it daily, sinking deeper and deeper into the condition.

You see that is why people with anxiety devolp D.P, it is all the worrying and deep thinking about the intial anxiety that brings on the D.P. There is no more explaining needed to be done and this is the reason why. You are not unique and it just shows how popular this subject is and how many people who suffer with anxiety go on to develop D.P.  It is the number one thing talked about on here and I receive more emails about it than any other symptom.

So how did I come through my own D.P?

Well before I give a list of things that saw me through, I want to say to everyone and be honest……

It did take a while, there are no quick fixes.

D.P left me when it realised that it was no longer needed. When would this be? When I stopped the deep thinking (trying to figure it all out) When I stopped the daily worrying and feeling sorry for myself. While I was in this cycle, nothing was going to change, it makes total sense that while I did worry and obsess, then my body would carry on protecting me, more worry, more need to protect. Only when this was reversed would it ease. Now a lot of habits had built up and yes worrying and obsessing had become a habit, but I allowed this habit to be there, but I added no more worry and stopped trying to figure it all out daily, what would be would be. The attention was on me for a while and D.P was still very strong, but I decided and I mean from the pit of my stomach to live with this for the time being and question it NO MORE, pay it NO MIND. Not do this for a week and think ‘Oh it has not gone I must try and fix it’ or start questioning it all over again ‘Oh should I do something about it, its still there, what if its something else’ or feel sorry for myself ‘Oh I hate this, why wont it go away’ All this stopped and I TRULY accepted this feeling and understood that it was my bodies way of protecting me and I had no control over it, so it was better just to get on with my life. This is what a lot of people do, they accept it for a week or so and then become frustrted with it again or begin to question it all over again, they have never really accepted this feeling, more just put up with it. I never even thought about recovery, I just gave up and stopped worrying or fighting, questioning the feeling anymore and recovery came to me. I always say that, don’t go searching for recovery, your body will bring it to you, if you step out of the way and let it.

Here is a list of other things that really help me and I would always advise with D.P

Excercise

This is a great way of clearing the cobwebs, burning off ecess adrenalin, giving you another focus to your day, if you go running outdoors, having a dose of nature. I found this very beneficial.

Keeping away from forums and studying the subject daily.

I run this blog as I think it is great for support and the odd bit of advice. I don’t like forums, as people on there tend to wallow in the subject, drown themselves in it, trying to find that miracle answer. They end up mostly feeling worse and the subject just becomes their day. I took breaks from the subject all the time and stopped doing the google search daily. I knew to begin to feel like my old self I had to pack in as much normal living as possible. Doing normal things makes you feel part of the outside world again. I always tried to live as normal life as possible and never let how I feel stop me. Not always easy, but I am so glad I did as normallity seemed to overwrite my years of sufffering in time.

Stop obsessing and worrying, trust in yourself.

Pay this feeling no mind and this means truly just get on with your day however you feel. You are not going crazy and this feeling will go when your body feels it is no longer needed. No matter how long you have suffered with this feeling, it will pass and does no long term harm at all. Trust in what I say and trust in your own bodies natural healing system. I keep saying it, but I was worse than most who come on here. My D.P was so bad I could not hold a conversation and I came through. I don’t have one symptom now, my mind can feel a little tired at times, but I have no symptoms of D.P at all and trust me EVERYONE’S body is the same and reacts the same. I can only give advice, I cannot make people follow it and that’s the sad thing. People do believe they have something else and go down the worry cycle again, people do believe their must be a quick fix somewhere and begin to go on their merry search again. Someone once emailed me and said ‘I have read your book but my D.P is still there’ I mean did they read the same book that told them it would take time? No, again they wanted the quick answer, the miracle cure that does not exist.

I hope the above helps people and really do and try and take it on board.

For more information and advice visit my main site www.anxietynomore.co.uk

O.k here is todays post as promised. Firstly I want to express how much setbacks are all part of recovery. Again there will never be a post saying ‘How to make sure you don’t have a setback’ You almost certainly will, the post is to tell you how to deal with them.

Setbacks for me were the hardest things to work out

 ’I thought I had cracked it, why do I feel so bad again?’

‘Oh I hate this feeling, I thought it had gone forever’

‘Last week was so good and now I am back to square one, this will be me forever’

These were just a few of the statements that I came out with when I first started to recover. What did these statements do? Well they filled me with self pity, filled me with thoughts of ‘maybe I am doing something wrong, this is not working’, I began to fight again, to try and figure out why this had happened, worried about ever getting better. I did everything wrong basically.

I eventually changed this way of thinking and said’ I have been through so much, do I really expect to be better overnight?’ No of course I am going to have a few setbacks. I felt bloody awful for months on end, with no good days, this up and down affair tells me things are improving, I am finally getting somewhere’. And that’s the hardest part, feeling great and then when we feel bad again, it seems even worse, as we enjoyed some good days and now its back.

Setbacks come because suffering is still raw, we have suffered and been through so much, our bodies do take time to regain their balance, a stressful event or memory can trigger a setback. Sometimes we may just feel bad for no reason. Well we feel happy some days and sad on others, but don’t feel the need to work out why. And this brings me to the whole point, there is no need to go too deep into why they come, as it does not matter, that is not important, its how you deal with them that is.

And trust me the more you go through setbacks, the easier it becomes as you begin to realise they always pass and become an expert in letting them, they don’t feel as important when they come in the future. They just become a little nusiance and that’s fine. Don’t ever try and scramble your way back to how you were last week, just accept it as part of recovery, another chance to not care, to let it do its worse. Here is something Clare mentioned last week.

My only concern is that I never want to go back to the way I was a few months ago and I’m trying to make some changes in my life to solve that, like more exercise, eating better, relaxing more and talking about things rather than bottle them up. But unfortunately life deals you some knocks every so often and I’d like to think I could handle these knocks and not crumble with anxiety like I have done in the past. Thanks to your book Paul I have more confidence to get through the bad times but I’d like to know if there were any changes you made to help you keep a positive outlook in life and not let stress get on top of you.

The changes Clare are very good, I can’t express how much making changes to my lifestyle made a difference. But do them for yourself, don’t do them with the attitude of keeping anxiety at bay, as then if you do have a setback you will begin to question everything again and also don’t live your life trying to keep anxiety at bay. Remember it is always’It does not matter how I feel, if I feel anxiety then so be it’ Do you see the difference. I actually welcomed a setback, I stopped caring how I felt so it was not an issue. I did all the ‘Must do everything to stop it coming’ This is why people go around searching for medical cures, therapists, internet searches, forums…All to stop it coming or to get rid of it. And this is the reason most of the time they get nowhere, as the opposite is true, allow it to be there, welcome it, don’t care if it is or not and this goes for setbacks. It is hard and very tempting to fight or try and push it away ‘Do something about it’ but it gets you nowhere.

My attitude and what I teach others is welcome the good days and don’t get too down about the bad. Don’t try and scramble back to how you were. Don’t waste an ounce of energy on why you feel bad again, it passes, it always does. But setbacks can pass a lot quicker depending on your attitude towards them and then come with less force in the future. I once helped a lady who used to get very frustrated about having bad days out of the blue. With some advice she emailed me and said her new attitude on a bad days was ‘Well my anxiety is high today, but so what’ she knew she could not control it, so she might as well get on with her day and not care even though the feelings were not too good. She still disliked the feelings, but she had stopped getting so frustrated, stopped the self pity, the need to figure out why and her setback did not seem as bad.

I hope the above helps, I am not asking you to like a setback, just try and change your attitude towards them, they do come less frequent and with less power in time, just remember that they are part of recovery, they always pass, so don’t let them get you down or pay them too much respect. Tomorrow could be the best day yet.

Paul

Firstly I have to say its good to get back to the blog. The forum did not work out for various reasons and the best thing to do was close it before it grew too big. Just seeing people’s post and comments below and the feedback I have had I think I did the right thing.

O.k I hope everyone had a good bank holiday. I went out today to a pub next to Manchester airport. It backs on to the runway and you can see all the planes take off and come in. They have a few things going on, bouncy castles for kids, a mini park, food and music. Its also where I met my partner for the first time a few years back so call me a bit of a romantic : ) Then stopped we off for something to eat and I went up a belt size with steak pie, chips and my big weakness……Cider!

Talking of food and beer I recently decided to look after myself better. I have done a month now and feel so, so much better. I got into a rut of drinking and eating far too much, eating all the wrong things, sleeping too much, not excercising..etc…etc…I  have now got my running shoes back on and cut my drinking down to once a week and then just a few pints. I also invested in a fruity machine…Wow these are brillaint to start the morning off, just fill it with fruit and then some orange juice or similar and then withing two minutes they are done. I have one every morning and with the cutting down of beer, bad foods and more exercise I feel 100% more healthy. I just thought I will lose a bit and gain so much by making some changes. Lets just see if my will power holds out : )

Just one more thing on looking after myself. I have a full body massage or an indian head massage once a week or at least as much as I can afford. This is my de-stress time. I know they can be expensive, but if anyone can afford one from time to time I would recommend one. I feel great for the rest of the day and can’t wait for my next. All this was alien to me before, but I guess after abusing my body, which brought led to me first suffering with anxiety, I now try and look after it and don’t take my health and well being for granted like I once did.

Well that’s me, I think its good to just go off topic from time to time. Also I like to post quality and not quantity, so I do wait until I have something to say, sometimes its what people comment on or something that keeps coming up.

Hope everyone is well

 Paul

Well its been a while since my last post and sorry to everyone who follows my blog, I have been super busy and things will now be back to normal. I try and title the posts for people who may place these statements in the search engines, this way you reach more people. There is no point putting the word advice as nobody will find it. So this is today’s title and something I have not covered before.

This post covers something that I went through and wanted to share with others as I feel it is very important. When I was going through recovery a couple of stressful things happened, day to day problems, that put me under a lot of stress and as my anxiety was always close to home,  Bham it sent me into a setback. I can remember two very bad setbacks, as though I was walking a tightrope with my mind and also I was very anxious again, it was not a nice feeling. Now the first time this happened, I sort of hid away, did not dare put one foot in front of the other for fear of making myself worse, I thought about not going places. Also I tried to think and fight my way better, which is never a good idea. Well I felt like I was being swallowed up, this was not working, so I changed tactics and lived my life as I normally do. I stopped tip toeing around, watching how I felt, basically being worried about it and how I could climb back up. I just got on with my day as normal, made breakfast, went for a bike ride, come back and made something to eat. Got up the next day and went to town and then went out at night. In all this I felt awful, I truly did not want to do anything, but sit and feel sorry for myself. But within a couple of days I felt like me again. The second time I had this kind of setback I did the same again and although again I just wanted to hide away, I did not, I was wiser now, and again a couple of days and I was back to my old self. My stress levels had gone down and I was back to just having anxiety in the background.

Now this taught me a very important lesson, it was to help me all the way through my recovery. This lesson was not to be bluffed by how I felt at anytime, no matter what, I was not going to be bluffed by the way I felt and just carry on with my day. More than anything it taught me that to find normal feelings you have to live normally and have normality in your day. Don’t hide away worrying, don’t worry that your mind races or what it says, I only ever had odd thoughts that stuck when I had high anxiety, so I knew that’s all that caused them and so never let them bother me. They were something that would calm when my anxiety levels went down and they always did. It taught me that the best way to come through a setback was just to be, the more normal living I crammed in, the more my body caught up. In fact that was my saying ‘The more normal things I do and have in my day, the quicker my body catches up’ . It taught me a lesson even when I felt average, just to live my life and not be bluffed by how I felt.  Don’t be bluffed into thinking you are back to square one, you are not. It the height of a setback feeling good felt so far away, unreachable sometimes, but as soon as I felt better and my anxiety levels dropped I could not see myself in a setback. This is the point, don’t be too impressed by how you feel at any given time, these times always pass. The more you go through these times the stronger you become and the more belief you build.

Some people say they like to keep working or take a break and like to go back, as it gives them this sense of normal living and helps and I agree it can, if you feel able to work, even if its just part time. Anything normal in your day helps. I used to go swimming and felt the oddest person on the planet, but kept going each day and in time I felt more and more normal, I was not going to sit at home feeling sorry for myself, trying to figure things out all day, I wanted normality in my day. Even now I spend a lot of time on-line as I have to through what I do, but I have to have time outs, to refresh myself and do other things, it brings a lot of normal living into my week and keeps my mind active and refreshed.

Hope that makes a lot of sense and helps people.

Paul

For more help and advice visit my main site www.anxietynomore.co.uk

Firstly I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I have been very busy with other things, including building the forum which is just about ready and I will launch it in a while. I am also trying to get a new site of the ground and build a couple of others, one for a family member and one for a friend. Well things have calmed down a bit, so I will be a round a little more than I have been and here is my latest post. I do try and think of something that will help with what people have been talking about on here and what they struggle with. So here is todays title ‘Don’t fight to be right’

The title sums a lot of people up who suffer with anxiety, even people who don’t know they are doing it. The two things people do when symptoms increase or come out of no where is

1. They fight their symtoms, they may have a mental juggle and try to do something about how they feel, they begin a little battle to make themselves feel right or

2. They run away, this could be when they are in company they begin to babble on or lose eye contact and try and get away from the conversation. Or without company they may try and occupy themselves, sort of take a sideways glance to how they feel, they don’t stand their ground, they begin to run away from how they feel.

I used to wake up feeling awful, loads of symptoms and feel very lost and odd. Straight away I fought to be right. I went over things, tried to make things better. Said things like ‘I must relax’, ‘I must accept these feelings’, ‘I must go with it’. Now yes I should just accept it and Tarmo covered this earlier in the blog. If we go around making these statements all day then it becomes fighting again, I was saying these statements to create instant relief, it should be an attitude. Again I used to say these statements all day until I realised I was fighting again.

Here is what Tarmo said and my response to it in an earlier post.

When “trying to accept” becomes “accept”, even for a very short period, is when everything really starts to come together. It shouldn’t take any effort (because then it becomes trying) but it sure does take a lot of patience! Keep your heads up everyone, it’s all within reach!

Yes Tarmo is right and this is something I am going to add in my book, if you spend all day trying to accept, you end up again trying to do something about it.

It should just be an attitude and trust me it does come in time. You don’t have to go around saying ‘I must accept this thing’ ‘just go with it’, if that phrase helps more, don’t put up any resistance.

O.k if that is confusing let me explain something. When you are at the point of either running away or trying to do something about the way you feel, question it etc….This is a very crucial point as this is the time that if you don’t try and do something about it or run away it will pass, it always does, it will pass of its own accord. I found this out, the point when I was just about to go in to ‘trying to control it’ or run away from the feelings was critical. Let me give you an example. I go back to when I had the battle when waking. One moring I felt more odd and lost then ever, I had never felt symptoms so bad. This time I thought I am not going to fight, do what you want, I stood my ground and did not fight or question it, did not run away from it, it sort of washed over me and then within an hour or so I felt great. The same night I went out with friends and later into the night Wham, I felt odd and awful again, I was again just about to go into the ritual of doing soemthing about it, fight, question, and I thought no ‘Whatever it will pass’ and just got on with what I was doing, yes I felt bad for a while but it did pass and I was begining to learn something here, this part when I felt at my worst was crucial, I needed to stand my ground and not run away from it or fight it. The next day I was at a bar in a pub when I saw someone I knew, the symptoms rose, I felt uncomfortable and this is the point where I always acted and tried to get away as quick as possible, yes I would try and run away from how I felt. Well right at the crucial point, the height of my whole instincts telling me to flee, I did’nt, I thought no more running away. I felt uncomfortable, but the more I stood my ground the better I felt and I got through the conversation and actually started to enjoy it. Can you see the crucial point I am talking about? 

This is a post from someone who was doing really well recently and then fell back.

Ok all I’m really struggling at the moment. I really don’t know what happened. I’ve read Paul’s book and couldn’t believe how much sense it made. I kept the book close around in case I would need some help or guidance. I also visit this site to get help and support. This blog is great.

I started feeling a lot better and started having periods (maybe a few minutes and slow I would fade back into the full dp state) where my dp faded and I almost 100%. It felt so great. I guess I started getting busy at work and stopped visiting the website and reading, I guess I thought I knew it all and my anxiety was fading away. But then all of a sudden I started feeling really bad and falling into bad habits. I felt good at work for a few days when I felt good and could talk and goof around with coworkers everything kind of opened up and I started to see the world again and felt like I could connect and have “more like me” comments. Now I’m scared to talk again because I don’t feel like me or I guess the don’t know who I am feeling is causing me to question everything I say. The panicy feelings are back and my heart just runs and I feel so confused on where I went wrong. I want to move forward, but I’m so confused. Also, does anyone constantly look back and analyze how they felt at this time last year or so on? I’m just so hard on myself in my mind and don’t know what to do.

What he has done is have loads of good times and then as will happen, had a setback and has then started to fight to be right, he has questioned everything again. ‘Why was I better and now feel like this’ the crucial points where he felt bad has had him fear everything again, fight, question, he has not been willing to pass through them again. When you have had a period of feeling good it is even harder, we question it even more, we fight to be right even more, we become bewildered. We basically lose the tools that made us feel better in the first place. I keep repeating myself because I really want to get this through to people.

If you care how you feel at any given time then you will begin to fight and quesion it all over again.

IT IS NEVER ABOUT IF YOU FEEL BAD OR NOT, THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT, ITS ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS IT’.

If you have faith and don’t fight or run away it will pass, trust me it will. You will have bad days and times again, just again trust that it will pass, don’t fall into the trap of fighting or running away from how you feel.

All I did and what I others need to do is break the chain of anxiety. Feel awful, fight and question, feel good and get on with their day, feel bad, fight or run away again….etc..etc..Its like acting in a movie, it will get you so far, but you will not break the chain.  I had loads of bad times that I had to not fight, question or run away from before things became easier. But each time gave me more confidence and it began to be automatic, it was my new habit, I did not have to walk around telling myself to do this or that, it just became natural not to fight or question, espcially at the crucial points when I felt at my worst. I had now built up the trust that it would always pass and that it was FINE to feel odd or lost, it did not matter, yes it was not nice, but it always passed and I needed to keep going through these times to reach my goals. When we try to constantly do something about how we fell or question, we are trying to do something about something that is totally normal in the circumstances, this is what I figured. I have anxiety, I have been through so much, I should feel odd at times, anxious, a little lost, why I am I constantly trying to fight this? Let it be and trust in my own body to bring me through.

Hope that helps people in some way.

For more help and advice please visit my main site www.anxietynomore.co.uk